Oat Milk Latte

I miss you sometimes.

A feeling so heavy it would weigh down my days.

For a while, I couldn’t help but check if you’d viewed my socials, and it was daily that I imagined speaking with you.

But in time, something has changed. 

In these imaginary conversations, I’m the one telling you to leave. I’m the one asking you to let me go. I’m the one moving on.

Slowly but surely, I’ve started choosing myself over you.

My mornings no longer start with me reaching for my phone, desperate for a text that won’t come.

Instead, I snooze my alarm. Once, twice, even three times. Finally, I grunt my way out of bed, wash my face, and think about my morning coffee.

No thoughts of you.

No “what could have been” about us.

Just me, standing in the kitchen, deciding between oat and almond milk.

Now, the music I play is for me, not songs that remind me of you.

My camera roll is filled with moments I cherish, not photos strategically taken to catch your attention.

I make conversation with strangers at the library, embracing the little reminders that there’s so much more to life than you.

Every day, the thought of you fades a little more, replaced by something new. Still, there are moments.

A knot tightens in my chest when your name comes up, and the scent of your cologne stops me in my tracks.

But I choose, again and again, to push those thoughts away. Sometimes, I wish to sit with the thought of us a little longer, but I don’t.

I indeed miss you. But I miss me more.

And it’s time to find the version of me that I love, and I’m proud of.

Eager for the phase of my life where I get to do what I want, be who I want, and go where I want.

I’ve stopped rehashing every interaction we had, wishing I’d said or done something differently.

Instead, I do things differently. I do things for me. 

I dress up for the grocery store, I dance in the rain, I talk to strangers, and I savor the joy of alone time.

I dream about the places I’ll visit, the goals I’ll chase, and the people I’ll meet along the way. These dreams are my future, and they excite me in ways you never could.

I used to think you were holding me back. But the truth is, it was always me.

The moment I saw that photo of you with someone new, a beautiful girl with a warm smile, my breath was stolen from me. I was angry, confused, and heartbroken in ways I didn’t know I could be.

But that moment quickly became the turning point.

The hurt didn’t last as long as I thought it would.

One day, I woke up and didn’t check if you had reached out.

Instead, I snoozed my alarm, washed my face, and thought to myself:

“Today, an oat milk latte sounds pretty good.”